evan grey
d.o.b. 6/30/09

the delivery of my second child was much different than my first. i had a c section scheduled this time around. i knew exactly when to go in to the hospital. i didn't have to worry about timing contractions or worry about my water breaking. with my first i pushed and pushed and then pushed some more, probably spent about a total of six hours pushing (with no epidural) and then ended up under the bright lights with many surgeons surrounding me for a cesarean. because i was in so much pain already by the time they gave me the spinal, it didn't really seem to effect me.

this time around was another story. one, i didn't have any pain going in. two, i hate needles. three, i hate needles. oh, did i already say that? and four, they had my husband stay out of the room for this part. um, hello? where's my support team? i was completely surprised with the feeling it shot throughout my body. it was like a giant volt of i'm going to numb the f out of you from chest down in one second with this giant stab in your lower back. they couldn't get the spinal in correctly, so it took about four tries and by the time my husband was allowed back into the room i was continuously throwing up into a little pink kidney shaped tub that was placed next to my cheek. fun stuff. in the end it somehow always turns out to be worth it. the procedure was fast and i was in recovery in no time with a new healthy baby boy.

evan is now nine days old and though i should feel more like the walking dead, i actually feel good. having one child already really helps prepare you with the second. the hardest part, no doubt about it, is the nighttime feedings. i usually end up going to sleep around midnight after i've breastfed. about two hours later we're feeding again and then again in about another two to three hours. so, before my husband's up for work, i've already been up twice to feed the baby, change his diapers and rock him back to sleep. that's hard, i'm a sleeper but somehow i'm managing.

this little fella is my last baby. my husband tells me to lie him in bed once he's asleep but i'd just rather hold him. this is my last chance, i'm enjoying every minute of it that i possibly can. welcome to our circle of three evan. we're so glad you joined us.

you know what i appreciate more than ever now? my five year old that sleeps through the night.
more later ...

today is my last day of being a mother to one.
tomorrow i will have two boys.
i am nervous as hell.
needle in my back? scary.
stomach sliced open? scary.
being on morphine to ease the pain? good.
(but not looking forward to feeling like a zombie ...)
attempting breastfeeding again? stressful.
no sleep? used to it.
hospital food? go vegan.
*sigh*
just hope all goes well.
i know i won't sleep a wink tonight.
but i can't wait to see this little guy's face.
super excited to see what he looks like.
keep us in your thoughts and your fingers crossed!
tomorrow is the day, no doubt about it.

i feel like perhaps i may need to borrow one of my friend's anti anxiety pills in just a sec here, because in a couple of weeks i will have something this small again:

this weekend we picked up the new stroller/carseat (thanks again guys!) and i've purchased a few other goods. sheets for the bassinet, a cover for the changing pad, a couple mini pairs of shorts and pants, a nursing bra (whoo hoo, let the fun begin), etc. i've washed all newborn, zero to three month and three and six month clothing. i've even labeled the babies dresser inside - "long sleeve", "pants", etc. and warned my husband not to mess it up. our bedroom (where the baby will reside as long as it doesn't outgrow the bassinet) is getting painted next weekend, i'm thinking something in the brown family, but very light. we're going to try to rent this house out and hopefully some kind of miracle will take place in the next couple of months, if not i might detonate. we just don't have enough room.

a couple of months ago my mom had to put her dog to sleep, he was fifteen years old and as expected it was very hard and upsetting. well, don't think a week goes by where i haven't offered up my dog to her as a replacement. my dog will be eleven in the next couple of months and though she's one of the sweetest dogs out there, there's just not enough room for her one hundred pounds stomping around here either. now hold up, i promise i would never take her to the pound nor would i give her to anyone else but my mom. she loves my mom, i think more than me, and loves galloping around her giant yard all day. but ... i don't think it's going to happen. i've even offered to supply her food and cover any vet bills. that's kinda where my stress is coming in today. she constantly sheds in the summer, so everything i've washed this morning of course is attracting her dirty black hair already. what's a girl to do? any suggestions? i can't brush her everyday, sweep/vacuum everyday, while keeping up with other daily chores and caring for two children this summer. perhaps i should offer my mom a large sum of money!!!

screw waldo, where's autumn?

ok, so yeah ... maybe posting one liners here and there on facebook about my life is easier than maintaining this blog but for all my fans (ahem, raph), i will try to muster up some nonsense ...

i am 34 weeks pregnant. in thirty seven days i will go under the knife and this little bugger will be out once and for all. this hasn't been a glorious pregnancy by no means. i've had two throat infections, the flu, a recent case of pink eye (yeah thanks for that hayden), numerous colds and let's not forget about throwing up weekly when i brush my teeth. i really don't understand why this baby has been so cruel to me. i've kept it safe from harm, i sleep uncomfortably on my side and i even took up snoring and drooling. i try to maintain a decent diet. geez-o-petes, i even gave up diet coke. i've even added another chin! i've been experiencing a lot of braxton hicks contractions lately and to tell you the truth i'm pretty freaked out about this whole delivery. whether i go into labor first or just go straight to the cesarean, i'm nervous either way.

... before i go in, i would like to make a confession. i feel i owe it to you. this guy ... he's a guilty pleasure of mine.



i mean, really, does your ass look that hot in white pants? i didn't think so.

since we're counting down here, i have 24 working days left as well. i am looking forward to a work break! i mean, reallllly looking forward to a work break. still waiting for someone who loves me to win the lotto ... i really don't even think you guys are trying hard enough.

in smart people news - i've been reading the road by cormac mccarthy. it's been a tough read. i read in cold blood when i was pregnant with hayden so i figure it's my duty to read another twisted novel with this kid. it's currently being made into a movie and you can see a clip of that here.

this made my day -

that's right stupid slaughterhouse. take that.

I am nearing the end of this pregnancy and one of the new things i am starting to notice is i am developing cankles. cankles - 1) An aesthetically unfortunate physiological condition which leaves its victims with no discernable narrowing of the ankle between the calf and the foot. 2) An ankle which has no discernable narrowing from the calf to the foot. History: The word is derived a combination of the words calf and ankle. Victims of this condition are advised to avoid the following: ankle boots, ankle-strap shoes, anklets, ankle socks, ankle tattoos, high-top shoes, and any other footwear or legwear that might draw attention to the cankle region. great, there goes that butterfly with a teardrop ankle tattoo i had planned. i remember when i was younger i used to think expecting mother's in bikinis were about the cutest thing next to fluffy white bunnies, i was sure one day i would join them. um ... little did i know my tits would be growing out of my armpits or the above would affect me. so, no bikini for me in the next couple of weeks when i head down to florida. how about if we just stay in and eat cake, ok? one of the other things i have noticed a lot lately, as well as my husband, is all the pregnant women on tv in some major crisis. i can't begin to tell you how many shows i have run across in the evening where the mother is about to kick the basket and her husband has to decide whether he's going to save his wife or their baby that is about to be born. this gets me thinking ... and i am saying this on here for back up. seriously, please don't send me hate mail claiming i'm a baby killer BUT if i run across anything along these lines then SAVE ME. and no, i don't want to be saved because i claim to be really hot in 2010 (seriously, watch out) but i can't imagine hayden growing up motherless. not that he doesn't have a zillion others that love him and would step up to help in raising him but no one, i repeat, NO ONE! loves him like me. and even though i would probably feel guilty for the rest of my life for saving myself over this baby, i don't really know this baby yet besides the fact that he has made a mosh pit inside my stomach and clearly can't take too much salsa but i do know hayden. so, save me. ok? perhaps i should just stop watching tv.

if the baby is due when this movie comes out, the baby is just going to have to wait. i don't know why (pussy) but i got all choked up when i watched this preview.

*great arcade fire song too!

* note to self - when you already have heartburn from lunch don't add spicy food on top of it for dinner or the baby will wake you up at midnight to serve you your heart on your tongue.

i am now 23 weeks and i can definitely say i'm at the point now where i can see my stomach move when the baby kicks. it's cool. the end.

i'm just having one of those days today.

this weeks been pretty stressful at work. i've found myself sick to my stomach the last couple of days so i decided to stay home today. i just keep thinking if i can make it another 4 months until maternity leave, i will be good but four months seems like an eternity on weeks like this one.

about a week ago a mom and child were held at gunpoint while two men broke into their home. this was on the street next to ours. i was never so nervous getting out of my car then i was that evening. they had a gun to her son's head. typing that sentence alone just makes my eyes well up with tears. i think i can speak for all mothers and say "don't fuck with our kids". my husband tells me this is why i need to carry a gun. i've never been a fan of guns but when it comes to protecting hayden and the little one growing inside of me, i can see his point. i just can't see - oh i'm running up to get gas, let me grab my gun or shoot, we're out of cereal, i'm going up to the grocery store, oops almost forgot my gun.

one of the things you should't do on days like today is watch sad clips on you tube. i fell asleep before sean penn won on the oscars, for best actor of milk so i just watched that. of course it had me in tears. (god, if i wasn't pregnant i may be able to blame this all on pms). but his acceptance speech for winning the role in that wonderful movie wasn't enough, i then had to search for clips of other films he's been in and that's how i've decided to make tonight a blockbuster night and i'm renting 21 grams. yeah, i know thoroughly depressing ...

i haven't written much lately. probably because i just blabber on about nonsense like this ... the baby is constantly moving in my belly now. it's so weird and amazing. i can't wait until i can actually see him from the outside. you know, when you're lying on the couch and you can see your baby move like a wave and the wave pool is the stretched skin on your stomach. that completely astounds me. i am really thrilled to be having another boy. i'm sure little girls are the same with their mommies, but hayden, man that kids got my back - every week day morning we are all together in the kitchen. i can ask kamil to hand me something and more than often he'll say "no", just because he's a dink like that, and hayden will shout out "dad! that's not nice! mom asked you to hand her ..." or we could be lying on the couch and kamil and i will be (play) fighting, which in turn almost always leads to me saying "ouch", hayden will pop up and say "don't worry mom" and after his dad he goes to attack. the kid has got my back ! ! !

four more months ....

costco or costno?

when hayden was a baby i used to give my friend fifteen bucks every so often so she could buy us kirkland brand baby wipes from costco. i loved them! they worked so much better than any other brand i had tried and about a week ago my boss offered me a bite of her mrs. may's dry roasted snacks, they were so yummy that i decided right then and there i was getting myself a costco membership. this is what we did today -

i asked my husband if he wanted to look around first before we committed to an annual membership but he didn't think it was necessary, especially since we're expecting another baby and you can never have too many diapers with one of those coming!

the whole thing kinda stressed me out though. at the membership counter of course they tried to talk us into all sorts of things. one being an american express card. this is the only credit card excepted at this store. we paid off our credit card about a year ago and don't really feel the need to jump back into one, especially to purchase twenty - four rolls of toilet paper. you can use your debit card (as debit, just not as credit) and of course cash, so we took that route.

another thing they were really pushing was the free pizza we would be getting with our membership. being vegan i've just learned to keep my mouth shut about it with most people or else you get a slew of questions. so we just went with a "no thank you", then a "we just ate", and another "no thank you" and then finally after much insisting from the woman at member services we finally just told her "eating pizza on sunday is against our religion". god damn, lay off the freakin' pizza, trust me if i was eating some delicious cheesy pizza it wouldn't be from a nasty costco kitchen anyway.

out to the store we went - i could feel my blood pressure rising instantly. there were so many people there and the carts there are about fifty five feet wide, which made it even harder to get this process over as soon as possible. besides diapers and wipes, i thought costco would be best for snacks. i have to pack hayden three seperate snacks for school plus a lunch, so we are always in need for these sorts of handy foods. i'm sure if we weren't vegan we'd have many more options but we still managed to fill up our cart with some of the following - v8, veggie potato sticks, mrs. may's snacks, applesauce, fruit cups, and a couple other things. it's just ... everythings in bulk, so if hayden gets sick of mandarin oranges in his lunch, i'm sorry he's just going to have to wait until march 22nd to get peaches.

i just can't decide if it's really going to be worth the hassle for us and the fifty bucks we laid down for the membership. i guess if we don't see that it is we just won't renew next year ... any thoughts or recommendations?

everyone has pretty much been down my throat about a baby name since we found out we were having a boy and since we can't really name him emily, i thought i would give you a sneak peak of what i'm pondering -

booker
buck
bud
dagwood
dick
dirk
dolph
donahue
earl
ebenezer
ezekiel
fritz
geronimo
hector
jethro
lazarus
ludwig
& murdock

obviously i've only made it as far through to the m's, stay tuned for more! and for all you preggo ladies out there, you better not steal any of these special names that have a really special place next to my heart.

It's a BOY

another weekend bites the dust.
saw milk last night. really good movie.
then went to mexican town.
obviously the baby REALLY does not like salsa ...
came home after and got super duper sick.


tomorrow's the big day.
we find out what we're having!
let's take a poll! what do you think it is?
boy? girl? puppy? kitty? dump truck?